Relationships

I have been putting this blog post off for quite some time. And I haven't a clue why. I'm afraid of starting controversy I think, so I'm trying my hardest not to. I don't consider myself an expert... no where close. (Chad & I celebrated our 6 year anniversary just last month but if you know me/us at all you know it hasn't always been easy. We've been through a lot and even broke up once, but we've made it work. It's all I want. I know that. I try not to make excuses, but people change a lot from age 16 to almost 23 and changing together is a big struggle, so needless to say, I'm very proud of us.) But I participate in and observe romantic relationships daily. They intrigue me. Why do some work? Why don't others? Why do some people date for years and then suddenly break up, or divorce soon after marrying? Why do marriages that occur a mere 2 months after meeting last forever?

I don't know. And I don't claim to know. But I do have girlfriends. And my girlfriends, aside from being the rocks of my life, like to gab about relationships. Our relationships. Other people's relationships. Come on, we are girls, and we definitely aren't perfect.

I sent a text message to Emily the other day asking why some second marriages seem to work out better, produce happier couples/families, and last longer than first marriages? The answer she replied with may seem obvious... that she thinks people mature and have a better idea of what they're looking for in relationships. It does seem as though people get married very quickly and young, and who am I to say that this is true, but I sometimes wonder if they don't go into the marriage with a little voice in the back of their head reminding them that "it's okay to leave and get out if they're 'unhappy'." I have to assume at least some people go into marriage with this thought, considering our divorce rate in America.

I'm a far cry from a DOMA supporter, but I like the idea of marriage, or at lifetime-lasting relationships. We see them. We see people who weren't always the happiest, but is that really that important? (You're probably beginning to judge me, but wait... I'm making a point, I promise.) How on earth is one expected to be happy every single day in a 50+ year marriage? That's ignorant and unrealistic. A friend of mine celebrated her 25th wedding anniversary a month or so ago and I sent her a text (you noticing that I text a lot?) congratulating her and then asking for advise. As I said, I want that relationship, ya know? I'm a child of divorce so I like talking to good marriages and figuring out the hows and whys. She told me that the grass is rarely greener on the other side, but that anytime I should feel like leaving, wait 6 months. Relationships will always go through ups and downs, but if you're ready to check out during a downswing, and then you wait 6 months, there will usually be an upswing in the distance. I am not (nor was she) advocating staying in marriage when things aren't going to get better. That's a personal choice and I would never want someone close to me to stay in an abusive (in any form) marriage, but rather I am referring to staying in a marriage in which you aren't necessarily on-top-of-the-world, feel like jumping his bones, obsessed/passionate/etc. every single morning when you wake up. Catch my drift?

I also had a friend tell me recently that she and her husband made a pact that as long as ONE of them was still working to make the relationship work, they would stay together. I think that's a nice "relationship contract" to have. If both of you are ready to leave, then maybe you should, ya know? But if you're unhappy, but can see that your partner is still willing to try, then maybe it's a worth a shot.

This is one of those posts where I would looooooooooooove comments/responses/etc. so we can get a sort of dialogue going. sooooo, come on followers... Monique, Emily, Megan, Amy... I love you guys and I'd really appreciate follow-up.

:)